Parents, parents, and more parents

 Parenting we've all experienced it, whether it was us being a parent or us being parented by someone else, we've all been there for better or for worse. The question lies not in why is everyone parenting each other, but in how. How are we parenting? Is it bad or good parenting? Is there only one way to do good parenting, and what needs must the parents fulfill to be successful?

Let's jump into it. Over the past generation, parenting has evolved from a more command structure with parents at the top to more of the opposite. Parents now listen to their children and focus more on their needs than previous generations. Why is this? A key simple answer is the way governments have changed since the 1980s.

Before the 80s, most countries had authoritative governments in which the population was expected to obey their leaders or risk losing their lives. Little or no thought was given to emotions only whether people lived or not. This came in the form of kings, dictators, and wars. After the fall of the Soviet Union, the world has shifted from one that is focused on staying alive to one that is more worried about living a fulfilled life. Because of this, parents now are just as worried about their kids' happiness as they are about keeping them alive.

Focusing on children's happiness is a strong key to helping them enjoy their childhood. Many times now, parents have put a stronger emphasis on kid's happiness rather than on their growth. Many times, kids would much rather do something fun than learn an important lesson. Sadly, many parents go along with their kids. This could be for many reasons. One strong reason is that parents want to make sure their kids are happy. Giving the kids everything that they want can bring short-term happiness. Most long-term happiness, however, happens because of growth. Growth many times happens when we are not comfortable, and for children, this is hard to wrap their minds around.

There is no one perfect answer on the level of authority to give your children. If there is too much authority, they may revolt and rebel against you as a parent, or even worse, accept blind obedience and never reach their fullest potential as human beings. However, if you're to focus on their current happiness rather than on their long-term growth, they could develop the habit of being a king and expect everything in life to go their way. The key to finding the right balance in a child's discipline is to focus on what they need.

Some of the five biggest needs are contact/belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenges, in no particular order. Like all human beings, children (and teens) need to belong and feel safe. To make people notice them and help them belong, people will try anything, from spending money on others to killing others if it means fulfilling this need. Contact with children can be as simple as a meaningful handshake or can be as in-depth as a hug.

Most people want some level of control in their lives, and this goes for children as well. Many times when children try to rebel or control others, it's a reflection of not having enough power in their lives. When you give them reasonable choices and let them live with the consequences, whether for good or bad, they feel like they have power in their lives. Giving children responsibility also satisfies the need for power because what they are responsible for helps them feel that you trust them with power.

Children will often try to seek revenge on others. This bad trait can be attributed to children needing protection. When people are attacked, they don't feel safe and will seek to intimidate others through the use of revenge to help them feel safe.

School can be hard on kids, and they can easily overwork themselves and suffer burnout. The fear of burnout can lead kids to not want to do the work in the first place. To address the fear of burnout, we simply have to teach kids good study habits. One I use is to only study in one place for 45 minutes and then leave, take a break for 15 minutes, come back, and do it again.

When there is a difficult challenge that we overcome, it gives us a sense of achievement and pride in ourselves. If children don't have enough challenges in their lives, they may turn to dangerous risk-taking, such as drugs, gangs, and many other problems. However, too much difficulty can lead to burnout.

There is no clear way of how to be a good parent. The only way to be a good parent is to actively try to meet your kid.