A Family Worth Fighting For!

 What makes your family, our family? Is it a set of rules? How does each of its members interact with one another? Throughout this week, these questions, and many others, have been circulating through my mind. My professor shared a story that was interesting to hear.

My professor met a man who became a drug addict at 11. The man had come from a family that constantly fought with one another. When he did drugs, the fighting between his siblings and parents stopped, and they all turned on him. The man never liked drugs and didn't enjoy being in trouble. Seeing his family stop fighting with one another was enough of an incentive for him to keep going back to drugs though.

My professor, a licensed family and marriage therapist, has told us that he has seen a trend of this with drug addicts. This view of thinking is both frightening and fascinating to see drug addicts through. This story made me wonder: How do we change our family dynamics to achieve a specific outcome to avoid a scenario like the one above? To know how to change family dynamics. We have to know how family dynamics work first. To better analyze this topic, we will examine family theories and structure.

Throughout this week, family theories have been a major discussion. System theory and exchange theory have dominated these talks for various reasons. Mainly because these theories are the main drivers behind the family theory concept. Conflict theory and symbolic interaction theory are held on equal footing as system theory and exchange theory, but systems theory and exchange theory are a little easier to understand. They also give key insights into the different functions of the family. First, let's look at system theory.

System theory, as stated in Lauer & Lauer Chapter One, is the concept that families function as independent systems with subsystems within them. Each individual plays a role in the family system and multiple different rules in different subsystems. Let's take a family of four with a son and a daughter, for example. The family itself is a system that needs boundaries and rules from other outside systems. Each interaction within the family plays into the subsystem of the family. The mother and father are a subsystem that has to have some boundaries from the kids. The children form a subsystem with themselves and with each parent, as shown when children spend time with individual members of the family. Families as a whole function as a system with subsystems, but a family is still comprised of individuals.

Exchange theory is the concept of "you owe me one". When you think of exchange theory, imagine a bank. When the bank lends you money, you agree to pay back the money over an amount of time. In exchange theory, every member of the family is both a borrower and a bank. Just as credit works at a bank. The same concept works for people. Lauer & Lauer explained exchange theory as the cost, your investment in a relationship, and rewards the satisfying outcome of a relationship.

Even though these theories may seem very simple, they have dramatic effects on how well a family will function. If the boundaries are too rigid between a family and society, the family can't properly adapt. Dedra Meero a main figure in "Andor" a Star War TV show, said, "Systems Either Change or Die!" However, if there are too few rules, the family will cease to exist, because of the influence of outside sources. Families need a picket fence theory of rules, as do some of its subsystems like between parents and children.

I simply can't cover everything regarding this in 600–800 words as these are the limits of my blog. Please read into the additional information as I can guarantee that if you're going through a difficult time in a relationship, whatever the reasons may be, reading these sources will help. I know it will, and I testify that it will help no matter if the problem is great or small.