Will I get Married?

 Just as in any field of social science, marriage is a sticky subject with severely right answers. Everyone agrees though that marriage is unlike anything else you will ever face, and no one is ever a hundred presents ready for it. Just as you can't fully know something, tell your experience. You can't fully know how to handle marriage until you experience it. Many people ask about how to get to marriage, which is a keystone question to marriage. Just as important as getting to marriage though if maybe more important is how to maintain a marriage, and make it better over time.

A key point of marriage is knowing, knowing if you like the person, knowing what to do for your kids, and so much more. Knowing though starts before you say yes and after you say I do. It happens at all four levels of relationships. I've touched on the different levels in previous blogs, but to summarise the steps they are dating, courtship, engagement, and the subject of this blog marriage.

Many times people try sliding into marriage or easing their way into it, but there isn't a way for you to fully slide into it. It's still a dramatic change and commitment to get married. Many times, this slide into marriage ends up being worse for the marriage than if it were to be taken in steps. This is covered more in-depth in my previous blogs. Just as you change when you go to college, you change when you get married.

Many times this change is good, but that doesn't mean it is always easy. When two individuals get married, they bring their exceptions on how the marriage will work. Many times these things are not discussed before marriage or really after they are married. This could be because these expectations are seen as not very important, the individual does not know them, or they don't want to get in the way of the spouse's traditions, but they are still there.

Everyone has unspoken rules. There is a fundament part of how we identify with our family and our community as a whole. Without these unspoken rules, culture would be none-existent. However, when we choose to get married we choose to make a new culture a blend of both yours and your spouse's. Trying to blend both of your cultures before marriage can be a powerful relationship builder.

Discussions about family rules and culture happen at every stage of relationships. These can be simple questions regarding your hobbies, dreams, and similar subjects, or compacted questions regarding things such as children, sex life, and many other important and sensitive subjects. Family culture discussion should change at every level of relationships. There will be overlaps, but many discussions happen within the span of the level of the relationship level.

Just as nothing will fully prepare you for marriage, nothing will fully prepare you for having kids. I have discussed how, when members of the family are added or subtracted, the family must evolve to these changes, as stated in my previous blog "A family worth fighting for". When you decide to have children, your outlook and interaction with the world will change. Just as you have to adjust to the culture of marriage, you have to adjust to the culture of parenting.

We must communicate all our concerns during every stage of a relationship, no matter how small they seem. Be willing to discuss sensitive subjects before marriage to make the most out of your marriage. The best way to get into marriage is to know for yourself how to behave at each level of your relationship, but still, be willing to discuss topics and questions that might seem too early or too late to discuss.