The purpose of life

 The purpose of life is a tough subject to talk about. I know I struggle with it. There are many right answers with many right outcomes. One purpose that many people tend to find in life is their significant other.

When we talk about people's significant others, the phrases of, Oh they're dating, or they hang out all the time together, tend to come up. What even is dating? Is it better or worse than hanging out? Why can't I find anyone who wants to go on dates with me?

We first have to know what the base definition of what a date is, and what a hangout is. When I say the word date, usually what comes to mind is some romantic dinner, a dance like prom and homecoming, or some super fun activity. Okay, these are all really great dates, but what do they all have in common? They all tend to be paid for, planned ahead, and paired off, so a date is planned ahead, paid for, and paired off. Hanging out on the other tends to be classified as everything that doesn't fit this category. Which way is better though?

Over the last 40 years, dating and hanging out have changed dramatically. This can be attributed to two major events, the right wave from about the late 1960s to the early 2000s, and the internet wave from the early 2000s to the late 2010s. The right wave consists of the civil rights movement, the women's rights movement, the LGBTQ+ rights movement, and many other minorities and discriminated rights movements. Because of these movements, I no longer have to worry about what color of skin my friends are, what religion they belong to, and what their gender is. I cherish and love the right to be able to make friends with so many distinct groups of people. The internet wave meant that no longer were we limited by those around us for friends. I could make friends on the other side of the world in all countries, languages, and people.

Many people would look at this data and hypothesize that young people are dating more and hanging out with more people. Friend groups have become dramatically more diverse compared to 40 years ago, and the number of people we interact with has risen as well. Dating though has been falling. Instead of more dates per person, we are seeing fewer. How is this possible?

A strong reason behind this is the change in dating culture. It doesn't take a genuine notice that dates now tend to be more expensive and more grad than 30 to 40 years ago. Add inflation on to this, and it's pretty easy to see why there is a decrease in dates. I hypothesize that since we see a bigger price tag with dating, we expect more out of it, such as getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend or as a step toward marriage. Hanging out, on the other hand, is low-key and doesn't have a massive price tag. You can do more with less regret. Hanging out does come with some downsides, however.

Communication is key in any relationship, whether it be romantic or not. When we go on a date, it forces us more to communicate with one another. Dates also don't have to be crazy expensive. They just have to meet the three p's, planned, paid for, and paired off.

Hanging out, on the other hand, is a low-risk, low-reward outcome. We as dating have a little higher risk and much higher reward. I'm not saying that hanging out is bad. The opposite, hanging out, is very important it's one of the key ways we form relationships with those of our same gender and family. Sometimes, however, we think hanging out is a worthy substitute for dating. In reality, nothing is a good substitute for dating.

Just because dating is needed does not make it any easier. Finding people to casually date can be a real challenge. One of the best ways to improve your chances of dating is to improve yourself. I'm not saying you need to go get a six-pack or a nice body wash.

The best way to improve yourself is to do this little exercise. List out all the reasons in your head or on paper why people should ask you out, then do the same thing about why might people not ask you out. Take one of the positives, and really try to bring it out in yourself. Pick one of the negative ones and try to minimize it in your daily activity. It might take a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years, but this will work in the long run.